monihkahh (monihkahh) wrote in vitiligo,

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Ultimate Vent/ Get to Know

I've had vitiligo since I was about 8 years old.

In third grade, a girl who i absolutely hated started teasing me in the girls restroom about some "freak white spot" on my neck. I didn't believe her.
I went home and asked my mom, you know, just in case, and she confirmed it. There was some random "freak white spot" on my neck.

From there I started traveling from  doctor to doctor, tried various forms on treatment and today at age 19 ( close to 20) I am covered with vitiligo from head to toe. Every single body part as some form of Vit formation ( and in the most ridiculous patterns might I add). 

For the majority of my life, I didn't care much about it. It made me, well, me. But then Junior year of high school rolled around, the pressure increased, the depression started and with it my vitiligo spread to my face. I have the most obnoxious looking spots around my eyes, lips and chin.

It completely blows  because when people first meet you that is what they look at. Your face.
Luckily I've found pretty good cover up but I still feel like people can see past it and notice what I'm trying to hide.
I prevent myself from doing things I enjoy becau
se of this disease.
 I used to swim on a regular basis as a child. It kept me healthy and happy, I loved the heat and the sand and the beach.
I haven't been in a swimming pool in nearly 8 years. And now I always dread going to the beach because of how I feel when I'm there. Empty and as if I'm missing something a part of me.

I love running and kickboxing but those 2 sports  increase sweating, which melts the cover up off my face. 
I don't run or kickbox anymore, unless its in the privacy of my own bedroom ( which isn't as fun as doing it in a class of course). 

I don't know how to accept this skin condition. I don't know how to live a normal life without letting this skin condition bother me.
I don't know how to walk in stores or exercise in public without being paranoid that other people are staring at me and thinking about why  i look the way I look.
I can't bring myself to just try and not care if people are talking. I know I shouldn't but I can't help it.

I absolutely HATE how this skin condition has taken over my life and most of all how I've let it take over.

I've gained an obscene amount of weight.
And the person I used to be is no more because of the depression I fall in and out of.

How do I fix this? How do I accept this as just a part of me?
Most of all, how do i make myself realize that I'm not alone in this?
I know others are in exactly the same boat as me, possibly their situation is far worse.
It's just hard to imagine when you don't personally know someone with the condition i guess.

I feel like I'm all alone in this and I will be forever alone because instead of living normally I hide out.
As a result I lose relationships with people.

It's becoming a self handicap and I can't break out of this routine.

Is anyone else in the same boat?
Has anyone else been in the same boat and over come it?

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